25.05.2023-?
Actually, I just wanted to take a break for a few days and start again.
However, since I still felt pain in my foot and my intuition told me that something was very wrong, I went back to the Hammerfest hospital after about a week.
There I was told that I first had to make an appointment with a general practitioner so that he could refer me back to the hospital. The practice assistant explained to me that this is how the health system works in Norway. I vehemently refused to accept this and told her that I would not pay money for something that I already knew would not work anyway. Luckily, last week's orthopedist happened to walk past me when she started work. She asked me about my condition and I described my feeling that something was wrong.She then "mobilized her troops", as she put it, and kidnapped the foot surgeon who was present from his department to take a closer look at my foot. He was obviously annoyed, but heeded her request.After a short but intensive examination, he found a peroneus tendon split. This is a very rare diagnosis, which in 40% of those affected is not noticed at the first consultation. The tendon had suffered a tear without renewed foot trauma, which would not heal for life without an operation.
Plus, the long waits up here in Norway were unbearable, at least six months for an MRI, at least a year for the next surgery.
Then I had to take into account that it would take another three months for the tendon to heal after the procedure anyway and I then had to spend three months on reconstruction in the form of physiotherapy.
That alone would be a waiting time of at least 365 days, a regeneration time of around 180 days and then another break of around 180 days, since the climatic conditions would not allow you to cross Scandinavia alone in winter.For me it felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me and the sky was thrown on my head at the same time.
It was a world crashing down, everything I had been working for all along seemed to have been for nothing.The doctor took a full two hours to discuss the current situation with me because she understood how I must be feeling. Since the chemistry was obviously right, we also talked for a while about things from private life and so I was able to get to know her a little more personally than I was used to from doctors. This cushioned my current frustration somewhat, but I was still overwhelmed by my situation, so that I couldn't express my gratitude at this point.
Absolutely devastated, my motivation was stolen from one moment to the next. Even though I'm strong and had to cope with a lot in my childhood, my youth and my still young adulthood, I had to struggle with my fate for days.
I spent hours and days thinking about what to do next.
My personality was still telling me to turn off my mind and move on after a few days.However, after careful consideration, I came to the conclusion that this did not solve my problem.
The risk of making things worse or dying lonely and miserable in the wilderness had been too great.
Since it was already an injury that could not be healed without an operation, it would most likely have been the stupidest decision of my life.
I was looking for alternative solutions. Lots of messages from friends and family back home helped me.
I decided to make the best of the situation and use common sense.
Sometimes it takes more strength to accept your fate than to enforce your own pride and will by hook or by crook.
I was happy to finally be in tune with myself again and to have made this decision for myself.
It was very difficult, but I thought it would be better to wait a year than to go ahead and give myself the chance of ever achieving my goal.
I think it's very important to take this time and see it more as a long break than a complete break up.
I will no doubt return as soon as possible and pick up where I left off. I am even more determined and my soul is hungrier than ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you fail, the most important thing is to get back up and never give up until you can achieve your dreams.
With this thought, I close this entry and will certainly keep you up to date on how things will continue in the near future.
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I'm grateful for everything!
